Suicidal Thoughts: Please Read This ONCE Before you Suicide
Having suicidal thoughts again?
I am terribly sorry to know that you are planning to end your life; I am sure your circumstances are ugly and you feel trapped; you have lost your way in your journey of life. When a person thinks of committing suicide, it means that he has lost all the hopes he once had and is probably in the worst of his times.
You know what? I feel you. Suicidal thoughts are depressive. They are monstrous.
Trust me when I say I feel you; no – I am not here to sympathize with you, but to give you all the empathy that you need. Before you push me away and stop reading this, there’s something that I want to tell you.
A few years ago, I was not the same woman I am now. There was a time when I weighed around 85kgs (187 pounds), I had absolutely no friends, I had no love in life, I had to quit my job because of the heavy workload and less salary I earned, I had been betrayed in love and on top of everything, I was a patient of brain epilepsy. The only friends I ever had were the ghosts that I saw (not to forget I had severe hallucinations). I stayed back home most of the times, surrendering myself to darkness and depression even more. Slowly and gradually, even the comfortable ghosts had begun haunting my time and gifting suicidal thoughts to me.
I had given up on all the hobbies I once cherished. God knows how, but I had also gone through the phase where I took the help of ‘self-harm’ to feel alive and release my stress. My full sleeved clothes allowed my wounds to be my deepest secrets, but my hollow eyes screamed all the time. I was a normal girl in front of everyone, but deep down inside, I was dying; depression was killing me.
I had turned into a short-tempered ugly girl who was not only hated by everyone, but also tormented by her own self. Suicidal thoughts kept hitting me.
Why am I sharing this with you?
Because I have been through all the things that you are going through.
No – I don’t mean to compare my problems with you; your problems are far severe and far more complicated than mine, but where you stand right now is where I stood a few years ago. I had a blade in my hand; all I had to do was slit my wrist and quit. My suicidal thoughts were gaining on me.
But did I decide to quit?
Yes… I did. I decided to quit… but I didn’t decide to quit my life; I decided to quit the suicidal thoughts that were taking control over my life. I saw my arms and the fresh wounds cried to me; the dripping blood suddenly turned into red tears from my wounds; my body ached and begged for me to stop the monstrous things I was doing to myself and the barbarous act I was about to do of taking my life.
And all these things for what and for who? For losing my job? For not being as pretty as my friends were back then? For someone who had betrayed me? For those filthy people who stabbed me? For those characterless beasts who tried judging my character? For those idiotic heads who tried putting me down and harming my self-worth?
Self-worth… yes… that’s the word you need to read about… that’s the word you need to know about… that’s the word that can save you this very moment.
Had I given up on my life back then, I would have been a restless wandering spirit. I don’t know about my parents or my siblings, but I personally would have never forgiven myself for the disastrous act I was about to do.
I request you, whoever you are, whether you are a girl or a boy, a man or a woman, in your teens or in your 80s, married or widowed, single or committed, please keep that blade, rope, poison, or whatever you have in your hands, away.
Things may seem bad now, but they can always be made better. You need to pass this phase of suicidal thoughts.
You have been blessed with a life that’s full of beauty, a body that can do wonders, a heart that can spread happiness and love, a mind that can build castles not only in the air, but on the land as well. I know living seems far more difficult than giving up on your life right now, but I promise, with time, everything will be fine. I promise… with time, you will NOT regret NOT taking your life and putting that blade away.
Because I don’t regret giving up on my suicidal thoughts.
This letter is an appeal to all those moving towards suicide or going through suicidal thoughts – if you need someone to listen to you and advice you, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I promise to respond as soon as I can.
Please hold on a little more and I promise things will be better.
Love and Light to all those in need!