“My Kundalini Awakening”: Should You Ascend Or Not?

When I was introduced to the concept of Kundalini, the first thing I did was read several articles on what it exactly is and how I can awaken the same. After reading works of different people, I was wondering if Kundalini was really as dangerous as people said it to be. I was wondering why the saints and sages would awaken something that would risk their sanity, as most of the articles mentioned about “loss of reality.” Some of the write-ups that talked about the experiences of people actually amused me and I thought – are they really getting “The Awakening” or is this all a hoax created to generate more traffic and attention?

If only I knew the crises of underestimating the power of Mata Shakti, The Power silently residing at the base of my spine, your spine – right in the spine of every being around us. There are some people who say even animals have Kundalini Shakti, but since they are unable to get into Yogic Practices (or they may be performing such practices that we are unaware of), they are not able to raise their consciousness and attain enlightenment.

There was a time when I thought Kundalini awakening is just a one-time process; you sit in a corner, do a couple of breathing practices, make some Mudras with the hands, focus on your spine until you feel the energy, raise it up to your crown and BOOM – the Kundalini has awakened. If only it was that simple…

Firstly, according to my strong belief and experiences of various people who have written books on this Shakti, Kundalini awakening is not the game of just one birth. If you are able to ascend your energy in this birth, it is something you have been doing since quite a lot of births and that’s the only reason why you are able to raise it now. This explains why there is a sudden Kundalini rising in some people, even though they have no idea about it or no intention to feel “The Awakening.” It is the work of births, centuries and years to awaken this Shakti and not a one-time process at all.

Secondly, Kundalini is not a destination. I have often received emails asking for how Kundalini awakening can be achieved. This beautiful primordial energy is a journey in itself and not a spiritual goal. In fact, She is the one who takes you to a place where you realize spirituality is to be with no goals at all. Yes, there are Siddhis that need to be attained, there are manifestation processes that need to be learned, there are purposes that need to be met – yet, spirituality makes you goal-less because everything starts falling in place just the way it should.

As I write this, my mind is in a delusion. It is not that first time I am going through this – I go through this almost every single hour now. What is true and what is not? I feel like I am going to wake up from this dream anytime and would realize it was all a dream… or a night mare.

One day, a sudden feeling came to me that what I did as a meditation was not even the start of Kundalini rising, forget about “The Awakening.” This is when, about two years ago, I started practicing Kundalini in a full-fledged way. However, I have been going through weird things in life since the very beginning of this year, when I got involved in meditation all the very more. I was introduced to the technique of meditating all throughout the day (it is done by practicing a technique of breathing of which I will write another blog post on someday soon) and I have been doing it way too much since the start of 2020 (current year).

Here are some of the most weird things that have been happening to me amidst my Kundalini journey:

1. Loss of sense of reality: There have been times when I feel I am living in an illusion. Everyone around me is no one at all. Eventually, either they are going to turn into skeletons or they are all going to dissipate in the air. This is what Shakti has been doing to me these days. I feel like I am going to suddenly wake up from a dream or there is some sort of Maya that is keeping me in Her belly like we all are inside the belly of Mata Tara.
2. Feeling of being bitten by ants: At times, I feel like scratching different parts of my body because there are sensations of ants walking all over me, even though there is nothing at all. I keep itching, even though it is mere sensation and not a single ant at all.
3. Tingling sensations in different parts of the body: Sometimes I sit and I feel like there are some weird sensations happening all over. At times, there is tickling feeling and the other times it feels like someone is using needles on my body. The former feeling is sweet, but the latter is quite disturbing. It is as if Shakti is teaching me the balance between pleasure and pain.
4. Pulsating sensations in any chakra all of a sudden: If you think this is a blissful feeling, let your Pineal Gland pulsate and you would know how difficult it is to handle it. I feel miserable when it pulsates when I am working. There is absolutely no time; you are a mere submissive person to Mata Shakti and that is perhaps the only way to let her take control of you.
5. Gastric issues/bloating sensations all the time: Not a lot of people would have the courage to write this because they might find it embarrassing, but I only want to help all those who are amidst “The Awakening.”
6. Sudden jerks in head: The whole vision gets delusional for a couple of seconds and it feels like the head would blast anytime. There is unbearable pressure in the Crown Chakra at times and it feels like the brain is literally “moving” or “shaking” for a brief moment. This is perhaps the scariest feeling because it makes you feel like you are going through some trauma related to brain.
7. Anger and emotional outbursts: There is sudden rage or wrath within me. I find bursting out at people, sometimes without any reason. There are also times when I start crying even though everything is perfectly fine. In fact, I recently noticed that during meditation also, there are tears falling down the eyes.
8. Panic attacks: Even though I am not thinking about anything at all, the heartbeats start rising without any reason. There is sudden gush of anxiousness and panicky. I wake up with racing heartbeats in the middle of the night and it takes more than an hour to get them back to normal. Even during mornings, when I am doing my regular chores, panic attacks come and go. They have now become a part of my life.
9. Dreams have become more real than ever before: It feels like I am more alive and awake when I am dreaming. Some dreams feel so real that it feels like I am awake when I am seeing them.
10. Hallucinating colors: This generally happens when I am in the trance-like stage. I see purple, green, yellow, orange, red and other such Chakra related colors dancing in front of my eyes. They are generally in circular shapes. Only once I saw a proper Mandala shaped purple chakra for a brief moment of about three to four seconds.

As of now, these are the things my physical, emotional and spiritual body is going through. I am going to either keep updating this post or write another post as and when I observe new things that are worth sharing. In my personal opinion, ascending is never easy.

But then what is easy in the spiritual world?

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